1. |
Unfortunately Blue
03:47
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I watched a 20-minute movie of two witches making out
It didn’t have much of a story, just two witches making out
Now, that’s my kind of film
No feelings, no heartache, no frills
I watched the trilogy last night it took about an hour or so
I watched 1, 3 then 2 cause I heard “that’s the way to go”
Now, that’s my kind of show
No grieving, no horseshit, no no
I was invited to a party it was just the other day
I held out for a while but then gave in and said “okay!”
I was just being nice
No cocaine, no djs, no dice
Face to face with a painting of some pale nymphs in the nude
Dancing around a satyr who’s unfortunately blue
That’s my kinda dude
Callous, collected, and cool
So cool, oh, oh
Everybody’s trying to come down with a heartache
Everybody’s tryna feel down when they don’t
I’m just tryna get loose. I’m too heavy
Maybe I’ll come around, or maybe I won’t
Pressing my face up to a window, I’ve gone absolutely cold
I feel it in my body, yes I feel it in my soul
My my, what a day
No Nothing, no nada, no way!
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2. |
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Wild eyed Lucy, looking loosey-goosey, talking to Lisa Lane
Lisa says hey now hey now hey now hey
We’ll take the heifer down to farmer James
Farmer Jimmy, looking pretty skinny, takes the girl for a ride
Then he says hey now hey now hey now hey
We’ll leave the heifer in the house tonight
The heifer, heifer, the heifer, heifer
It’s the heifer in the heat of love
Well we sang our songs and we drank all night
And we danced till our feet went numb
Sunday morning, things were kind of boring, Henrietta called on me
She said hey now hey now hey now hey
Do you know if the heifer is free
I put down the jelly, picked up the tele and sent a line to farmer James
He said hey now hey now hey now hey
You know the heifer she’s is at it again
The heifer, heifer, the heifer, heifer
It’s the heifer in the heat of love
Well we sang our songs and we drank all night
And we danced till our feet went numb
The heifer, heifer, the heifer, heifer
It’s the heifer in the heat of love
Well we sang our drinks and we drank our songs
And we danced till it weren’t no fun
1 then a 2 and 3 then a 4 and 5 then it’s 6 o’clock
Well there ain’t no party like a heifer party
Cause a heifer party don’t stop
The heifer, heifer, the heifer, heifer
It’s the heifer in the heat of love
Well we sang our songs and we drank all night
And we danced into the morning sun
We sang our songs and we drank all night
And we danced into the morning sun
Yeah, we sang our songs and we drank all night
And we danced into the morning sun
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3. |
Spooky Delight
05:33
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Hey sister could you spare a child?
It's not for me; it's for a friend
You see he's going through these changes
I said I'd be there for him then
He lives way out in this haunted village
Where the kids go at night
Throwing their stones into windowless houses
For a spooky delight
They’re ain’t too bright
Hey sister could you spare a liver?
Oh I'm just asking for a friend
He gets real hairy for a minute
But then he comes around again
He lives way out in this haunted village
Where the kids go at night
Throwing their stones into windowless houses
For a spooky delight
He might look freaky but I can vouch for him
I swear he's a good guy
Just don't sneak up on him after the sunset
Or you're in for a fright
What a spooky delight
Hey sister could I show you something
Oh I just know you’re gonna scream
You see I've got this buddy
He's got a mug made for the screen
He lives way out in this haunted village
Where the kids go at night
They throw their stones into his windowless house
And then he takes a big bite
Right out of their thigh
What a spooky delight
What a spooky delight
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4. |
America Something
04:24
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Be what you will be, she said to me
Long as you are what I want u to be
I tip my hat to the rosebuds as they die
I heard the hangman is coming for me
I hope he steals me when I am asleep
I’ll wake up in Texas and watch those cactus cry
I brought my regrets to the cut wife
She cut them open with her bloody knife
Then she put the leftovers in the lost and found
Where are the heroes? Where have they gone?
I had their numbers right here in my phone
I’m taking all of their posters of my wall
I was a bunny just hopping around
I was the only slick hare this town
Then you came along and you cut my carrot down
Oh say can u see what I see now?
The madman is wearing the emperor’s crown
I would do something but both my hands are bound
Shot down my ego from up on horseback
Never expected that it would shoot back
I buried my expectations in the ground
America something, the land of the free
Am I forgetting what that means to me?
Let’s burn our bridges and make-out to the sound
Let’s burn our bridges and make-out to the sound
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5. |
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And then on the 7th day
Even God had had to take a break
Oh Lordy Lordy, ain't it getting late
I could sure go for a whisky straight
When I finish with the dirty deed
I think I'll move up to Albany
Sell the rich kids expensive weed
Then take my luck to Tennessee
Maybe start me a cattle ranch
Find a young wife and good horse-hand
I got an eye for the cowboy stuff
Fuck a savior, I done, had enough
Then one day his phone would buzz
It’d be Adam his android son
Saying papa I could use some help
I think we opened up the gates of hell
And Eve his golem girl
Wearing a leaf over her virgin pearl
Says i couldn't help but eat that fruit
It was half off now what would Jesus do?
Oh holy shit you two what have you done?
You've gone and screwed the pooch for everyone
Now every being for eternity
Will be fucked or else be fucked by me
Last I heard they had a couple sons
The farmer brother killed the other one
Just what the hell is with this family?
You couldn't find this on late night TV
Well I thought Noah was a decent dude
Until his boy had found him drunk and nude
So Noah cursed him and he cast him out
And messed it all up for another round
And so god he put his sandal down
And divvied up the boys in every town
You can't play at all if you can't play nice
Then threw away our only set of dice
Now I feel for God I really do
His only good son loved a prostitute
And went and pissed off all the Roman boys
They ran him ragged like a child's toy
I'm sure that god just wants to be a lone
Watching Sopranos or the Game of Thrones
But I can't help but feel a little bad
So I got him this mug that says #1 Dad
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6. |
New Jersey Rum
02:21
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I saw you drinking New Jersey rum
Yeah I saw you drinking New Jersey rum
I said “Where did you get that from?”
Get that fine New Jersey rum
You said you bought it from a bum
New Jersey rum, New Jersey rum
As fine as they come
I saw you in your blue velvet hat
Yes I saw you in your blue velvet hat
I said where did you get that?
Get that fine blue velvet hat
You stole it from a laundry mat
Blue velvet hat, blue velvet hat
Ain’t it where it’s at
Well I picked you like a grape on a vine
Yes I picked you like a grape on a vine
I never seen a grape so fine
Sitting up there on a vine
Aging like Italian wine
Grape on a vine, grape on a vine
It’s too bad you’re not mine
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7. |
Idiot War
04:09
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Well you press that red button and get a line to Paris
And the war it’d be on before even Charles de Gaulle could say oui
Now things are getting nuclear far as my good eye could see
You can smell the ships are a-sailing they’re filled full with the French
And they’re armed to the teeth with fancy cheese and a wrench
Well you hired the army but all you needed was a fence
Now the marching band is playing a famous marching tune
Wait until you see their eyes boys, you must not shoot them too soon
But some knuckle-headed kid out in the back went and shot the lead bassoon
At the battle on main street that’s where I saw my loving bird
She was pointing her rifle up at a sniper in a perch
And she woulda shot him dead too but I guess he shot her first
Lalala lalala...
Now the bodies are piling up at every bar
Cause no soldier wants to fight in this idiot war
I can’t say that I blame them I can’t believe it got this far
At the head of the table the war Daddy speaks
He says “Could we wrap this up boys? I’ve got a tee time at 3”
Now the French they are all exiting the gift shop and a fixing to leave
That’ll teach me to press every shiny red button that I see
Yes it will teach me to press every shiny red button that I see
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8. |
Had An Ass Like Gold
04:31
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In my day, I used to be a sinner
But now I eat that shit for dinner
Yes I used to be a wild case but now my penchant for the strange
Is A-W-O-L and he owes me money!
Do you know Joan? She’s a bank teller
She gets it on with this husky feller
I seen them the other day down by the YMCA
They were necking in the parking lot, tangled up like a couple wrestling bunnies
Yes I seen them the other day down by the YMCA
They were necking in the parking lot, tangled up like an 18 dollar pretzel
Yes they were
Last Monday night I met this Wizard
He said, “Love your Mama or you’ll damn sure miss her”
Well I kissed that wizard too, and his eyes read “howdy do!”
Then they popped right out his head like he was Bugs Bunny
Here at the fine, fine arts museum
We got arts so small you could hardly see ‘em
I overheard Hannibal Lector talking to the art director
Saying “Did you know Edgar Degas had 11 toes and painted with raw honey?”
“No he didn’t”
“Yeah, I know. I was just being funny”
How are you Mary Lou?
Or any hoo, long as you’re not blue
I was just talking to your daddy bout his 67 Caddy
This girl she’s seen everything from LBJ to the nights of hanky panky
I got this woman, she’s half insane
Does a mean impression of Michael Caine
Oh and when she quotes Get Carter I swear it doesn’t get much harder
I’ve never had an 80 year old British man turn me on quite like she does
And she does
If there’s one thing that I know
It’s that Jesus Christ had an ass like gold
When the band would play his song he’d jump right up on the drum
And shake that moneymaker like he was Mick Jagger
When the band would play his song he’d jump right up on the drum
And he’d do the Wah Watusi and The Funky Chicken
When the band would play his song he’d jump right up on the drum
And he’d shake what his mamma gave him like he’d damn well lose it
When the band would play his song he’d jump right up on the drum
And he’d get so goddamn gone he’d forget he’s Jesus
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9. |
The Orgy In The Sky
09:18
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I watched your movie
For the first time today
Now I’m writing the script for
My own misery play
And your body, it feels like dancing
And a body can feel so much
Oh but everyone knows
The mind, when it goes
The sharks take it out for lunch
I came by your circus
Round a quarter to ten
You lit a stick of
Some eastern incense
And our cups, they did floweth over
With top shelf Jamaican rum
I said, “when you’re a star, don’t forget who you are
Or the place where your song was sung”
And the young, they fuck to feel older
And the old, they fuck like they’d die
And the dead, they are fucking forever
At the orgy in the sky
I told you the story
Of a dowager queen
Afterwards you asked,
“What does dowager mean?”
And the honey you beg to choke on
Yes the honey you know so well
They say after awhile, you return to the smile
And remember the sweeter smells
Now I told it all to Henry
And he wrote the whole thing down
And gave it to mark, who sang like lark
Now the beauty is back in town
And I haven’t slept much lately
Not for a few good weeks
So when I arose in the pineapple grove
Well I swore that I done OD’d
And the young, they fuck to feel older
And the old, they fuck like they’d die
And the dead, they are fucking forever
At the orgy in the sky
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Jonathan Something Connecticut
Jonathan Something is the musical outfit of multi-instrumentalist Jon Searles, resulting from a love for Baroque Pop, Rock & Roll, and Realism
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